Happily Ever After

An inside look at how four local couples keep their marriage strong

by Lauren Salinero –


Love can seem like something straight out of a fairy tale. The prince and princess instantly fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Reality takes a little bit more work. As the one day of the year that celebrates the elusive, wonderful, confusing, elating, mysterious feeling of love draws near, Silver Woods residents Kevin and Tami Murphy, 10 years; Amberleigh residents Grant and Mary Smith, 25 years; Lake Butler Estates residents Charles and Tina Mello, 28 years; and Bay Lakes residents Joe and Angel Alexander, 31 years, reveal their secrets for a healthy marriage.

How old were you when you married?

Grant and Mary: 28, 32

Charles and Tina: 37, 27

Kevin and Tami: 35, 34

Joe and Angel: 23, 21

How did you meet?

Charles: At a party at my house.

Tina: It wasn’t a party. It was three guys sitting on folding chairs. We stopped there to see my friend’s boyfriend.

Grant: We were neighbors for a few years, and I moved to another part of town. We met up again at a small gathering of mutual friends.

Mary: We first went out as friends, but it didn’t take long for the friendship to turn into something more.

Tami: We first met many years ago while in college and working at Disney part time. We dated for about six months and then sort of grew apart and went our separate ways. Then, by chance, we reconnected in January 2001, and the rest is history.

Joe and Angel: At our part-time jobs.

020416feature01

Lake Butler Estates residents Charles and Tina Mello (top) with 28 years of marriage under their belts, and Amberleigh residents Grant and Mary Smith (right) with 25 years of marriage, have much to celebrate.

020416feature02

What was the biggest piece of advice that was given to youDid you follow it?

Grant: My dad always said, “Keep passion in your marriage.” And yes, I did follow it.

Mary: I don’t really remember my mom telling me to do this, but ever since I was a young girl I remember her stopping whatever she was doing about 30 minutes before my father came home from work to change her clothes, fix her hair and put on some lipstick. She wanted to be sure she looked nice for him to come home to. I usually get home before Grant does, and I find myself making sure I have on something nice and checking my lipstick before he walks through the door. I know he appreciates the effort because he always tells me how nice I look.

Kevin: Marriage is forever. So far, so good.

Tami: I completely agree with Kevin. Marriage is forever is the one piece of advice that I took to heart. Don’t even think about going into a marriage without understanding that. We definitely
follow it.

What was your biggest misconception about being married?

Grant: I was afraid after time the spark would fade, but after 25 years, it is still there.

Mary: Everyone said you had to work at being happily married. I just assumed it was so. I remember Grant saying that if you had to work at your marriage, you were married to the wrong person. He thought that doing the right things to make your marriage successful should come naturally. That was the first time I had ever heard that point of view, and now I agree with him.

Charles: I can’t do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Tina: There is more give than take.

Joe: Staying in love is never-ending.

Angel: That it wasn’t one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life.

Silver Woods residents Kevin and Tami Murphy (top) have been married for 10 years, and Bay Lakes residents Joe and Angel Alexander keep their 31-year marriage strong.

Silver Woods residents Kevin and Tami Murphy (top) have been married for 10 years, and Bay Lakes residents Joe and Angel Alexander (right) keep their 31-year marriage strong.

020416feature04

How long did your honeymoon period” last?

Grant: When was our “honeymoon period” over? When is that supposed to happen?

Mary: When our daughters were in school and we had to attend a lot of their events, we didn’t seem to have enough time for each other. It wasn’t really a problem, just an inconvenience that we didn’t care for. Now that we are empty-nesters, we feel like we are back in our “honeymoon period.” We just took a little break, but quickly found our way back once the girls left home.

Charles: Six months.

Tina: Three months, then I was pregnant.

How did having children affect your marriage
and communication
?

Kevin: With three kids, we’ve discovered the logistics of taking care of a group that outnumbers you can be complicated. When they were really little, you could still keep things under wraps, but with them older and participating in various activities, it gets a little more complex.

Angel: Having four children, including one with a disability, has been fascinating. Observing how they are like us, how they think, the choices they make. At times I feel like they consume us, making us work harder to be “us.”

Charles: Having children made us poor! We talk more about the kids. Well, she talks, and I listen.

Tina: Children made our marriage stronger and more faith-filled.

Have you ever thought about or discussed divorce?

Charles: No.

Tina: Yes. I think most people do consider it when they are at the lowest point in their marriage, but their faith in God tells them things will get better, and they do.

Grant and Mary: No.

Joe: No. She is my soulmate, my rock. 

Angel: Yes, but I don’t believe in it.

How has love changed for you over the course of your marriage?

Tina: Love doesn’t change. You change, and that’s love.

Kevin: Not a whole lot. We often feel like we’re still newlyweds.

Tami: The past 10 years have just flown by. We say all the time that it really seems just like yesterday we were planning our wedding. I think we are very blessed to have a very deep love for each other that has continued to grow over the years.

Joe: It has made me love my wife more than she will ever imagine.

Angel: It’s made me more accepting.

How do you keep the romance alive in your marriageHow important are date nights?

Kevin: There are so many little romantic things that happen day to day. Each is just a little thing that makes us realize we’re still nuts over each other. We do our best to make time for us. Date nights are important when you can get them. We also usually try to get a weekend away a couple of times a year just for us.

Tami: We don’t take each other for granted, and I think that is very important. We send each other “thinking about you” messages during the day. A quick text to say, “I love you” means a lot and is a sweet, bright moment in my day. Date nights are always great and something we try to do, but with three kids it’s not always easy to get them in each month. We always try and go away for our anniversary, just the two of us. Our anniversary trips are something I treasure and look forward to each year.

Joe: Talking and touching each other.

Angel: We continue to date each other.

Grant: We laugh and have fun together. We are always there to support each other. I play in two bands, and Mary is in the audience every time we play. Knowing she is there to support my music makes me love her even more.

Mary: We are best friends, and I think that is very important. We focus on each other and put each other first. We never miss an opportunity to tell each other we love them or how special they are to us.

What advice would you give to engaged or newlywed couples?

Joe: Talk to her and get all information about her, good and bad. Find out all you can and more.

Angel: Pay attention to detail, to the small gestures that seem insignificant. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. Say something positive every day to each other.

Kevin: Enjoy every moment. Don’t keep score and don’t keep a list of the bad things. Enjoy the little, goofy things that happen and take joy in it all. There are parts you have to work at, but, do it right, and that work is just plain fun. Remember that in a disposable, temporary society, marriage is forever.

Tami: Be grateful for each other and for every moment you are given. Always look for the good in each other. Say, “I love you” every day. Keep your faith in your marriage and allow it to guide you in good times and in bad times.

If you could do it all over again, would you do anything differently?

Grant: I wish I had met Mary when I was younger, so we could have had more time together.

Mary: No, I don’t think I would do anything differently. I think I married the perfect man for me. He has made me feel like a princess every day, even through some rough financial times, health problems and whatever else life has thrown our way. He proposed to me in Paris and has made sure the romance never wore off throughout the last 25 years. I am a very lucky lady.

Kevin: Not a thing. Every moment makes us who we are today, and I wouldn’t change any of it.

Tami: I wouldn’t change any of it either. We have been blessed with such an amazing journey, and I am so grateful for every moment of it.